i acted just like an adult last night...
and why not...
my 15 yo had gone with friends to get a burger...
that was what she asked to do,
but 2 hours later i found she had not gone there but to a different place
no biggie, just a change in venue, yet...
she should have called (at least the adult in me said she should have called)
my 18 yo daughter sent her a txt msg and found out she was at the other place.
She said... i'm sure she is there, kids are posting from their phones on facebook - lol
so finally 45 minutes later at 11:15 i called her...
told her she was blundering by not being in touch
i was upset when she finally got home at 1140pm on a school night.
she didn't call when they changed locations, and didn't call when things ran late.
this is a full 3 hours after her concert is over!
so anyhow... i was an adult to her - actually i carried on like i was the spoiled one...
i yelled, and screamed, threw pillows, laid out guilt trips, accused and berated and threatened
it was all quite ridiculous, to make the point...
"COMMUNICATE"
so tell me... how do you get your teen to communicate? :)
(I just really liked the photo of the abandoned house with the yellow flowers... awesome!)
4 comments:
Well....remember you did ask!
First thing that we do/did differently (the "teen" is now 22 and her siblings are just entering the teens):
a rule here is that if you want to do something, you have to ask at least 24 hours in advance and when you ask, be prepared to answer WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW and WHY. That may seem unfair to alot of folks with teens, but the last minute plans, uncertain transportation and supervision,etc. just didn't seem to fit inside of common courtesy.
AND if the plans changed once she got there, she could either call home and make sure the it was ok, go ahead and do it and assume it meant grounding, or call to have us come and get her. The grounding only happened once. She understood the concept of keeping us up to date after that.
She also understood that if she chose to NOT call us before altering what she had asked to do, she was in trouble.
School nights the curfew was 10. Weekend nights it was 11, even as a senior in high school. There were exceptions, but they were exceptions...not the rule.
Basically we tried to instill in her the ability to appreciate that her choices affected out entire family, so to choose wisely.
In your case?
I would find some way to communicate how HER decisions affected YOUR evening and find some way that works for you, but STICK TO IT! The ramifications extend into adulthood and some of the things she learned at home became her greatest assets when she was in college and hopefully into adulthood.
Yes, we were the exception when it came to all her friend's parents...but most of the time, they ended up here anyway - they still stop by to say hi, even though she's in another city now!
Good luck!! :)
teens and communication. i don't think they go together. no seriously. i don't know. the bean's 12 now and i'm just heading into this territory. i did, however, have my teenage niece with me on weekends for a while (she was in the hostel), and she was a nightmare for about 3 years, and now in her final year, she suddenly seems to have grown up and understands (or seems to) what the 'rules' are and why. the advice above here make good sense. so i gotta agree with setting the rules and sticking to them. at all times. problem today is not so much our children, but the world out there. and knowing where they are is of the utmost importance.
fortunately, all of them outgrow it. we did too, remember? our poor parents... no wonder they were grey, heee heee heee. good luck and i'm sure you'll work something out with her.
lotsa love! oh yes, that is an amazing photo!!
hiya! you okay out there? kinda quiet....
I think you just described the teenage me to a T. And being as I'm not far out of my teen years, I have to agree with the others that sticking to the rules you set is probably one of the most important things. And communication! On both ends! Good luck, I'm sure you'll do great.
And I love that photo! :)
Post a Comment