conflicted

I am not conflicted

confused, struggling,

or having any problem

understanding the situation.

 I love you.

When the heck did they all show up?

Imagine being at lunch - 

back more or less to the room

don't know what's going on behind -
engrossed in conversation

haven't heard anything except 

the conversation at this table
getting to a point that an analogy is coming out

about the value of friendship

several questions run through your head -
How many people can hear me?
When the heck did they all show up?
Have they already heard an earful?
What have I been telling?
so you look around ... 

and no I don't care what they heard...

friendship is such a precious thing

why i don't talk to you

you do what you do,
i do what i do,
you think i did it cause of you (I didn't)
I feel I should explain, 

so i try to explain

it just winds up being a lot of explaining -
you are fine, perfectly normal -
God loves us the way we are
let's just let it go at that 

seems like the typical exchange

Sir Alfred Geek Geekysons

I hold it true, whate'er bits-fall;
I feel it, when I'm nerdy most;
'Tis better to have geeked, I boast
  Than never had geek-iness at all.

~Sir Alfred Geek Geekysons

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Feel free to share with that special geek someone in your life.

(ps. I did)

I am from...

I am from...    

By: Slade Hogan

I am from early days and fond memories 

From Christmas presents long awaited nestled

From days spent playing with cousins

From the smell of the ham slowly engaging my tongue

From days of listening to Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club band 

and days of home school

I’m from the doting of a grandmother

From “I can’t do this” to “I have the ability”

I’m from saying Moses built the Ark

From “why did this happen to me?” 

and “How long do I have to wait?”

I am from my dad’s image

From days of wonder to days of misery

From the sharp smell of potato salad and cole slaw

From the huge chest in our living room overflowing with memories

Pictures and even just tidbits from times not easily forgotten

I am from memories

No other person can know what I see

But when I look in the mirror, 

I just see me.

Love Letter No 104 - After Love

Dear S,

After first appearance, an email, a text, a call,

After hello it's me, door bell ringing silent,

After hug at door's threshold, arrival's fresh charm dims,

After flowers once bright, now withered, moment's music evaporates on wind,

After space 'tween fingers seems ne'er to be filled again,

After voices fresh calling, has lilted its last bit dear friend,

After dishes are washed, put away for the final meal,

After the walk through memories, both good and gifts, the whole deal.

Even after fond kiss remembered, a winsome gift from above

We've arrived and we're here "after love."

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

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It's not the loss, it's the memory

It's not the loss, it's the memory,

It's not the tears, oh it's the dreams,

It's not desperation of  missing them, 

I guess it's all about the mess I'm in.

It's not the emptiness I'm living with,

The days, months, years, stretch out

and so do I.
In my heart I hold something so lovely,

It's not the loss, it's the memory.

It's not the babies growing up in pain,

Cause momma passed; no one's to blame.

It's the full heart that's beating to reality,

It's not the loss, it's the memory.

It's not the ring lying in the drawer,

Just the thought there could be so much more,

so come on down the road with me.

It's not the loss, it's the memory.

--------------
in honor of the memories, in hope for the future 
for a very dear friend ...

Love Letter No 103 - Storybook Love

 

Dear S,

Soon we will publish, the storybook love 

that we share. Hard times, we've 

had enough for two well beyond our 

years. We've cried an ocean of tears.

It isn't about the loss, it is the 

sweetness of the memory. It is not about

the tears, it's the dreams that

are ahead. The suns that we've seen set

have been hidden in the dark of night and now

the color of the sunrise is brighter than ever.

The arms that have been aching for embrace, 

the ears that hope to hear a tender call,

the lips that yearn for a loving whisper,

satisfaction is rising within us.

It's not about letting go,

it's reaching out and grabbing hold

of one another.

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

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Love Letter No 102 - Prayer Love

Dear S,
An attitude within, prayer breathed love. We share moments of prayer, O bliss of divine favor. When praying, the answer is sometimes 'Yes', but not always, for there is also 'No' and 'Later'. And these latter two hard to discern. Yet, the 'Yes' we share melts me at my core. 

Ah sweet prayer, did it summon you? did it call me to you? Was there an intervention that brought this about. Perhaps, but prayer and love intermingle in such a lovely way. It is not for me to question. The pleasure of moments together, embraced by the universe, redefines the satisfaction my heart feels. Prayer strengthens the foundation of what we share; prayer multiplies unity's fruit. 
Prayer, my love, makes everything different and makes all the difference.

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

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Love Letter No 101 - Often Love

 Dear F,

Two deep deep crushes that have 

met and moved along together to a better place. 

A place of winsome mutual respect. 

I guess I've told you everything.

Now I will start repeating myself. 

Sweet things I longingly

 share with you, things that 

must be continually repeated.

"You're beautiful"

"I love you"

"That's a sweet smile."

"You amaze me profoundly."

Shared sincere interest is a lovely 

feeling. We do the neatest stuff, 

enjoying our time with undivided attention, 

always happy to see each other. Thank you 

so very much for giving from your heart, 

yes, I feel the love, it's great! And we have 

humor, a ton of that great medicine 

called laughter.

I know I love you, 

you deserve to hear it, 

often.

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

---------------------

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Love Letter No 100 - Arrival Love

Dear Y,

Since your arrival

everything has changed;

some things that were fixed are

now broken, some that were

broken are now fixed.

When I see your message
make its arrival 

an inexplicable connection

takes place.

Arrival does that good work

in me again and again,

and so we share life.

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

---------------------

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Love Letter No 99 - Supporting Love

Dear F,

Support is the brain's reminisce,

the soul's stir, the body's preoccupation;

blessing is a heartbeat away.

Support is a verb tense of love,

an adjective of undying devotion.

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

 

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Love Letter No 98 - Love Love Love

Dear H, 

I love hearing "to know - know - know you, 

is to love - love - love you, And I do, And I do, 

And I do." This oldie is fresh - fresh - fresh with 

the morning's awe of the day. And my heart - 

heart - heart gently sings along. And my 

mind - mind - mind turns to you. And my soul - soul - 

soul longs for you. And my arms - arms -arms ache 

to embrace you. And my lips - lips - lips purse to kiss you.

With warm - warm - warm and tender - tender - tender affection,
LarryG

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----------------

Haiku - Challenge

True challenge within
Stand on a giant’s shoulders
Dolphins help injured

Soar like a falcon
Ride the wind; Run with Longhorns
But learn to walk first 

Love Letter No 97 - Fufilled Love

Dear I,

Shoes side by side, an egg cooked that 

special way, the peanut butter exactly where 

it should be, favorite shampoo on the

shelf, knowing what you like and even 

where to find it when shopping

... every little detail builds in the crescendo 

of affection. Knowledge and action

yields an affectionate balance which is seen in

all the "doings of love", experienced in the security

of knowing "we did it for each other". 

It's just as overwhelming now as it has ever been.

Fulfilled love knows "we did and we will".

With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

Haiku - Dad

my dad, long time gone
attitudes, actions remain

dogs, bears just feed selves

Love Letter No 96 - Handwritten Love

 

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text of the image 
(this keeps it searchable)---

Dear H,
Oh! the heart hurts 
for acceptance.
My fear reflects
your anguish, yet,
together there is
space inside that
is a comfort. It feels
of the miraculous
that we have found
each other at all. So
we sit and bask in the
warm glow of our
discovery. I long to discover
day after day with you.

With deep & tender affection.
LarryG

Haiku - Forgiveness

For -given, -gotten,

Clouds blow through, the sky changes,

My hands are best buds.

Inspiring one smile

I searched my blog for smiles and found these...

I love talking about smiles!

The only thing unavoidable is the big smile in my heart.

The smile of your presence lingers within me, warming the place we share.

May every nurturing moment of life speak the secret joyful to your inner self, one that sparkles with immensity, creates divine curiosity, beckons and remains as a significantly tantalizing smile of warmest satisfaction.

 

May smile shared anticipate smile returned by friendship's warm glow.

May receiving put a twinkle in your eye, a flush in your cheeks, and a smile on your lips.

I think of nothing else, and this smile left behind, ahhh, divine, winsome, effortless.

Depths quiet at your approach, the shyness of smile responds.

To the unaware I appear vacant, gazing into neverland, transfixed with
a sudden smile.

----- Haiku on a smile ----

impulse of the child
inside it's all poetic
suddenly you smile

 -----

"Inspiring one smile made my day".

The light of your smile is amazing.

The light of your smile illuminates every dark place within.

That smile infuses my mind and bends the corners of my mouth upward.

Your smile, your hand, gentle encouragement became the adorable key.

I remember the many times you used your favorite word for me, "boisterous", you would say with a knowing smile.

Love Letter No 95 - PS Love

Dear B,

There is much to tell you.
I will wait till I can share with you in person.
Please understand this, I am overwhelmed,
this depth you've given swamps me, 
I am simply over-matched.
Another piece of life's puzzle has been placed.
With warm and tender affection,
LarryG

PS. Everyone loves you. 
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